Hangnail

I remember small debts, owed to others, and carry them around like a currency. If I owe a friend a drink or a co-worker $10 from lunch, I'll obsess over it until the matter is sufficiently resolved. Also, and conversely, the small debts owed to me (like the running tally of how many days my husband hasn't unloaded the dishwasher). I'll worry it like a wort until the scales of justice are righted, my rain checks and IOUs repaid, my debt hangnail removed. 

However, it seems to me that when the circumstances are important or the stakes high—like a significant sum owed, a strict due date, or the handshake made to a loved one—I'm careless, I forget, bungle it...break promises.

Why? Is this self-sabotage? Not seeing the forest for the trees? Distractibility mixed with a healthy dose of tit-for-tat obsessiveness? Why is my debt filed to memory in the exact converse order of how meaningful it is to me? 

Instead of sweating the small stuff, letting the big stuff float by unsupervised—I'd much prefer that I neglect and forgive what's of little consequence in order to more fully commit to memory, and priority, what in life matters most.